you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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