Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
