So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i came on her dog
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
