Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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