So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
is it fun? or sober?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
