Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
