Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
