the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
