i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
