My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
