I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
someone owes me an orgasm
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
