Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
