I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
