Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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