Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize