I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
