if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
