Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
