talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
