They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
