There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
