it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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