The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
