I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
