The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
