You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
