The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
