Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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