i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
