So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Everything about him screamed your future.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You left your phone here
Wait...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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