The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
