My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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