party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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