he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
