I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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