we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
