having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
