Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
