i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
