wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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