You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
