Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
