Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
