Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
