Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
