Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize