am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sex in a hospital.. check
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
