all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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