I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
