what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
