I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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