life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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