remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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