Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
