oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
