honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
