dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
