It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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