I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
