and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
