glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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