On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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