I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
