please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize