i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize