I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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