I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
