Plan B is the new Plan A
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
