Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
