shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
