I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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